When.
I anxiously wait for the moment when I will not be crying while writing this.
I am the girl that never believed in true love. I was always in my corner. I felt love in the little things I did, like drawing, listening to music and crying while making scenarios in my head, while seeing memories in front of me, while loving my family, that love was enough for me for ages.
Some day love corrupted me. I remember that 9 of December, I did not tell anyone where I was heading to. I just picked up some blue jeans, my favorites at the time, put my sweater weather and put on my black militar boots. I was ready to meet you love. And I did. I was so afraid to meet you that you thought I did not like you. I was just trying to be strong when I knew those were the last minutes of strength because in the second you turned your body to me and I looked you in the eyes I fell in love and I became weak.
And to this day I am trying to gain my strength. Almost two years have passed since we met.
I know this 9 of December I will cry so much, I will cry until I have no more tears to cry.
It's funny how for me life can be so simple, I don't give much importance to money or material things, I am that person that just wants to feel love. And I know that because now that I am not loved I don't appreciate nothing else. I am dead for the rest.
Deep inside I know that I will never get that life of love because it's too good to be true.
You said you once loved me but now you don't. But I truly believe you never did.
And the sad thing is that I am so happy when I love, I was made to love, to love galaxies and rain, to give love. I prefer so much the little things, I prefer to write than tell, I show love in my shy way, in my weird way of showing that I love you so much that you are my family. I considered you my family and I know you know that. I waited so much to meet you love. You see why is so hard to leave you? Why is so hard to have to let you go? For four months now that I can't stop crying. Four long months. I know everyone knows I am sad. No one sees me as a happy person for months. I don't go out. I don't laugh like I used to. I am not there when I was before. I am in that corner again, but now there's no sign of light. Totally dark here.
Sometimes I say things to you, horrible things because I feel impotent, finally the word came, impotent is the word that describes me for these past months. The impotence is so big that takes me over and makes me mad.
Love, I can't stand happy couples, people kissing, people being happy, because you made me disbelieve it, no I believe there's only a moment when it ends, and every happy moment is just one more minute you have until it ends.
Sometimes there's some precise moments that come to my head, to remind me the feeling of happiness, like when we went to the balcony ceiling in your beach house and looked at the night sky over the city; to when we watched a movie in your tiny bed in your grandma's house; our first new year's eve; our first night; when you kissed me for the first time; the hugs you used to gave me; me painting in our house; eating sushi every week; meeting your family; our car trips...
No more to say, still crying.
I am the girl that never believed in true love. I was always in my corner. I felt love in the little things I did, like drawing, listening to music and crying while making scenarios in my head, while seeing memories in front of me, while loving my family, that love was enough for me for ages.
Some day love corrupted me. I remember that 9 of December, I did not tell anyone where I was heading to. I just picked up some blue jeans, my favorites at the time, put my sweater weather and put on my black militar boots. I was ready to meet you love. And I did. I was so afraid to meet you that you thought I did not like you. I was just trying to be strong when I knew those were the last minutes of strength because in the second you turned your body to me and I looked you in the eyes I fell in love and I became weak.
And to this day I am trying to gain my strength. Almost two years have passed since we met.
I know this 9 of December I will cry so much, I will cry until I have no more tears to cry.
It's funny how for me life can be so simple, I don't give much importance to money or material things, I am that person that just wants to feel love. And I know that because now that I am not loved I don't appreciate nothing else. I am dead for the rest.
Deep inside I know that I will never get that life of love because it's too good to be true.
You said you once loved me but now you don't. But I truly believe you never did.
And the sad thing is that I am so happy when I love, I was made to love, to love galaxies and rain, to give love. I prefer so much the little things, I prefer to write than tell, I show love in my shy way, in my weird way of showing that I love you so much that you are my family. I considered you my family and I know you know that. I waited so much to meet you love. You see why is so hard to leave you? Why is so hard to have to let you go? For four months now that I can't stop crying. Four long months. I know everyone knows I am sad. No one sees me as a happy person for months. I don't go out. I don't laugh like I used to. I am not there when I was before. I am in that corner again, but now there's no sign of light. Totally dark here.
Sometimes I say things to you, horrible things because I feel impotent, finally the word came, impotent is the word that describes me for these past months. The impotence is so big that takes me over and makes me mad.
Love, I can't stand happy couples, people kissing, people being happy, because you made me disbelieve it, no I believe there's only a moment when it ends, and every happy moment is just one more minute you have until it ends.
Sometimes there's some precise moments that come to my head, to remind me the feeling of happiness, like when we went to the balcony ceiling in your beach house and looked at the night sky over the city; to when we watched a movie in your tiny bed in your grandma's house; our first new year's eve; our first night; when you kissed me for the first time; the hugs you used to gave me; me painting in our house; eating sushi every week; meeting your family; our car trips...
No more to say, still crying.
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