I.Know.Nothing.

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the day before I left

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I remember the day before I left You didn't look me in the eyes the entire day I felt alone, unseen, like a burden I could feel you hating my guts Stare fixed on something that was not me Chance to run, if you just could Day passed in sufferance, static movements We went to that place, you hated everything I was alone, looking at anyone but you People were not people they were background If they couldn't stop this I couldn't stop this Why would you hate me Day passed and you asked for a place to go A place to terminate the insufferable hours left I asked "what about that place we once went" No glance You took us there, no questions We entered we sat we ordered Silence Then you looked at me and caressed my face
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I am still

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Lament, I do, every time I did not recognize your pain,  Though I was thriving in our sun,  You were somewhere worrying alone.  Without me. Loss, I have, everyday that I cannot thank your for existing,  Even though I appreciate you, every little piece of what you mean.  Now this love has no where to go,  it is stuck in a dark place with no windows and no door.  Longing, I feel, so much in my skin,  about what we gave each other, eyes locked, lips sealed.  It is a nightmare today and tomorrow, where you at? Lucid, I try, to maintain every single second, In your absence, in my emotional grief, someone called.  A knife in my heart, dark no colors, listening but not really.  I exist crumbling inside, rooting for my salvation, someone will? Listless, I am, for what we lived,  For what we could have been. For what I dreamt,  For what it's worth, I am still.
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Adivinhei.

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Adivinha. Estás na merda outra vez.  Telemóvel virado ao contrário. Não às notificações. Não a querer fazer parte. Egoísta, mas quero dar parte de mim a quem? Quem quer parte disto? Olho o vazio de frente, prefiro ver que não há nada. Nada é melhor do que rostos, à espera. À espera de mim, cortada ao meio, e meio cortado aos meios. Existência a doer, está tudo morto, letras se formam, frases de dor, leitura entorpecida. Sou eu? Eu sou isto? Finjo a minha morte, mas só na minha cabeça. Para os outros existo, para mim existo com dor. Existir com dor, que tormento, que sina.  Que merda. Sou a melhor a esconder, escondo desde pequena. Sorrio, participo, transformo-me mas sozinha. Sozinha sou pó. Varram-me me daqui. Levem-me suavemente, façam-me transportar por ventos. Sentir a leveza de mim mesma. Ver céus de esperança, flutuar de mim mesma. Acabar com um sorriso eterno.
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